That's right. This is not a joke. You can attain powers from spider bites in real life just like Peter Parker did in the Spider-Man comic book series and movies. Well, they aren't exactly the same powers that Peter Parker had so don't expect to be getting a birds eye view of New York City or French kissing hot girls while hanging upside down from your own silk rope. You will, however, gain a power in your pants that Parker might gladly trade all his other awesome powers for. Let's face it. Spider-Man is a hero on the streets but maybe not in the bedroom. Here's how you can be.
Go out and find yourself a Brazilian wandering spider, also known as the banana spider or Phoneutria nigriventer. Next, have it bite you and let its potent venom work its happy pants magic. The wandering spider's venom actually contains toxins that have a variety of effects such as 4 hour erections which puts a whole new spin on "all natural male enhancement." According to Dr. Kenia Nunes, a physiologist at the Medical College of Georgia,
The venom of the P. nigriventer spider is a very rich mixture of several molecules. These molecules are called toxins, and then we have various toxins in this venom with different activity. Because of this, when a human is bitten by this spider, we can observe many different symptoms including priapism, a condition in which the penis is continually erect.
I feel I must insert this caveat before scores of "excited" men start filling aquariums with these things. The other effects of the bite are actually quite painful and result in difficulty breathing as well as lost muscle control. Odds are she probably wouldn't notice any of these symptoms anyway. I'm not advocating you should try this, I'm just saying.
As you might have guessed, Dr. Kenia Nunes is hard at work formulating a pill to encapsulate the true nature of male enhancement. They have already enjoyed success with rats and are looking forward to the real thing. Eat your heart our Viagra.