Bring Your Girlfriend to the Cloud! - The UpStream

Bring Your Girlfriend to the Cloud!

posted Sunday Apr 3, 2011 by Nicholas DiMeo

Bring Your Girlfriend to the Cloud!

Hey, all you Internet people out there. Remember when a judge decided that Facebook friends weren't really your friends? Well the judge never said anything about a Facebook girlfriend not being real! Because of that, company Cloud Girlfriend looks to deliver a girlfriend right to your Facebook page with ease. No social abilities, physical attractiveness or common decency required. Sounds like somebody we know.

For a fee, Cloud Girlfriend will create a Facebook profile of your e-g/f and will write on your wall and appear through various social media outlets. The company has yet to launch officially but has already gained the interest of the web, encouraging users to sign up now to save a spot.

Want to sign up? Did you know Facebook disallows certain ideas like this? Hit the break for more.

The site claims it's easy to sign up:

  • Step 1: Define your perfect girlfriend.
  • Step 2: We bring her into existence.
  • Step 3: Connect and interact with her publicly on your favorite social network.
  • Step 4: Enjoy a public long distance relationship with your perfect girl.

Facebook, however, doesn't allow computer controlled accounts, so the question is if Cloud Girlfriend will have actual people manning these virtual accounts.

Technology Review's Christopher Mims said,

Some startups don't make it past the phase where they build a mailing list of users for their service, and if Cloud Girlfriend isn't one of them, I will gladly eat my hat.

About Facebook's policy,

That's too bad (from a business perspective) because it's very likely that a service like this could succeed.

All in all, this is crazy though! It's worse than defriending your wife because you're getting married to another one or beating up your girlfriend because she defriended you. In his defense, she was drinking, removed her relationship status, threw his great-grandfather's flag at him then cut him with the end of a picture frame, and they're both arrested, but I digress.

I'm just saying that I do understand that people get hit with waves of depression from time to time. It explains some lewd and lascivious behavior and also explains some instances of stalking, etc, but this is where I draw the line, people! If things get this rock bottom for you, I hear there are ways for your 12V computer accessory port to work in ways that would make someone want to bite your nose. When I say bite your nose, I mean satisfy you sufficiently via alternate means.

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